A must-read book for mums

Matrescence by Lucy Jones

Have you ever read a book where you feel like you need to highlight the whole book because there are so many good quotes in it?

Well, Matrescence by Lucy Jones, had me stopping to write down quotes every few pages.

I raced through this book in 3 days, and it’s unlike any other book that I’ve read in terms of it’s brutal honesty about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. Which is what I loved about it.

This is what mums need. An honest look at how hard all of it is.

This book gives mums validation.

Validation that matrescence is a real thing - and that the brain changes just as much in matrescence, as it does in adolescence. It’s no wonder that we don’t feel ourselves. We feel different because we are different.

Knowing that matrescence exists also means that we can give a name to all of those feelings that can feel so hard to describe too.

I wish I’d have read this book sooner

No matter what stage of motherhood or pregnancy you are at, this book is a must-read.

My kids are 9, 7 and 2 and I feel like if I'd have read this book early on in pregnancy or early motherhood with my eldest child especially, it would have made a huge difference to my mental health. 

This quote sums up how I felt as a new mum nearly 10 years ago:

"The world I had grown up in, been formed by, the person I had become, was at odds with my present. It was time now to be satisfied by constant, isolated caregiving. The aspirations, desires and pleasures of the past were in direct conflict with my new life. The more I shrank myself, I sensed, the better mother I would be.”

Lucy Jones, Matrescence

Reading this book back then, would have meant I was more informed about the realities of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood and how societal structures to support mums just aren’t there.

I wonder if knowing this would have helped me blame myself less, when I thought I was constantly failing as a mum.

Instead I might have realised that I was finding it hard because it was hard.

I might have been able to give myself more compassion and just tell myself that, “It’s OK, it’s not your fault, you are trying your best.”

Society just doesn’t support mums

This book also made me realise that one of the main reasons that motherhood feels hard is because our society doesn’t value or support mums or care work in general.

It suits society for mums to think that we are struggling because it’s our own fault, and we aren’t good mums, because then society doesn’t need to change anything.

So, we end up struggling as mums, but not talking about it and not realising that actually we are all going through the same things.

Lucy sums this up so well here:

“So many women believe their struggles with matrescence are a result of their own weakness and moral failing. This is a lie and it inhibits honest talk and social change. The difficulties of modern matrescence in neoliberal Western society are structural and systematic.”

Lucy Jones, Matrescence

This book gives so many suggestions of what a society that supports mums would need to look like, and what kind of changes need to be made to accomplish that.  

Someone who is making huge changes regarding supporting mums is

Zoe Gardiner

who writes over on

Postpartum Matters CIC

here on Substack.

Zoe is the founder and director of Postpartum Matters CIC - a not-for-profit created to support women+ in the perinatal period and beyond, which she created after her own difficult postpartum experience.

Zoe gives women+ a chance to talk, gather, connect, share and be creative by offering a range of workshops and support, both online and in person at The Women's Health Hub in Hartlepool, as well as bespoke, in person doula support.

Just being able to gather together and share honest experiences of motherhood so you realise that you are not alone - the impact of this kind of support that Zoe offers must make a huge difference to the mums that come along.

Coincidentally, Zoe is the next guest in my Motherhood and Creativity interview series which is out this Sunday so I’ll be back in your inboxes then!

Come and join me in the comments and let me know:

• Have your read Matrescence? If you have, what were your biggest takeaways from the book?

• What book has had a big impact on you?

• What books have you enjoyed reading lately?

Ways to work with me:

• Swap overwhelm, mum-guilt and anger for calm and compassion by building up tiny moments of daily self-care over 12 weeks with the Bespoke Self-Care Plan for Mums.

• Are you ready to make positive changes in your life in a gentle and kind way, that fits in with your life as a busy mum right now?

  Then I’m here to encourage you, really listen to you and keep you accountable with Rediscover YOU, a 12 week 1 to 1 coaching experience. 

  Book a virtual cuppa with me to find out more!

You might also like some of my most recent posts:

Motherhood and Creativity Interview #11 with Lucy Werner

Motherhood and Creativity Interview #10 with Rahma Dutton

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