We all just want to be heard

"We don’t need a magician to take it all away – we just need a witness." - Glennon Doyle.

Sunset at Barry Island Beach on a sunny Saturday in October

Something that has stayed with me

Nearly a month after I held my first Mini Retreat for Mums, and there’s something that’s stayed with me from it. Mums go through so many huge, life-changing experiences in their motherhood journey but they aren’t expected to talk about it.

Whether it’s mental health struggles, the road to becoming pregnant, balancing career and motherhood, the mental load, the constant juggle - or any number of things that we are all individually going through.

The thing is, we go through all of these things, and not only are we not expected to talk about it, we don’t really have the right kind of space to talk about it either.

I feel like a lot of the time, as mums, we are expected to cope with everything that is thrown at us and just carry on.

But what if we can’t.

What if those experiences have affected us so deeply, that we need to talk about them, just to make sense of them.

More than that, by talking about our very individual experiences, that makes us feel more seen and heard.

Seen and heard for who we really are.

It’s not about getting advice.

It’s not about hearing ‘well when that happened to me….’

It’s about being truly listened to.

As Glennon Doyle puts it:

“You know, what strikes me is how desperately we all need to know that we are seen and heard. We don’t need our lives to be different, or easier, we just need someone to see the pain. To know what we’ve faced and overcome. To say: Yes. I see this. This is real. We don’t need a magician to take it all away – we just need a witness.”

Being witnessed in whatever stage of your journey you are at right now as a mum is so powerful.

We get to see ourselves in a different light - one where we:

• recognise our own inner strength

• realise how resilient we are because we get up everyday and bounce back, again and again

• can give ourselves compassion for what we have been through

• can reflect on the lessons from those experiences, and how they’ve changed our perspective on life

So let’s hold space for each other, listen to each other and let mums speak their truth.

By speaking our truth, we can make sense of and process experiences better.

I wonder how different we’d feel as mums if we knew we had more spaces where we felt we could be open and honest. Without feeling judged.

It’s down to us to create these spaces ourselves, which is my aim by running these Mini Retreats and through my coaching too.

I think one of the mums that came along to my Mini Retreat for Mums sums it up well here in her feedback:

“At the Mini Retreat, I enjoyed having the time and space to discuss and share our wants, needs and lives. It felt like we were a mini supportive community in which we could all raise each other up.

After I left, I felt that I’d been heard and seen. It was lovely to share and feel like you have common experiences. Listening to others’ experience as well as others’ listening to mine helps me enormously to make sense of things.”

So mums, let’s tell each other about the hard stuff. The good stuff. And all the stuff in between.

Online Meet-ups for Mums

I’ve had an idea that I’m mulling over at the moment, about having fortnightly online meet ups for subscribers here, via Zoom.

I like the idea of starting the week in a positive way, so having a 30 min or so morning check in every other Monday at around 9:30am.

The idea is we’d talk about our goals for the week, how we want to feel for the week ahead, and anything we are struggling with.

Kids would be welcome on the call too - my youngest will be with me. Now, that might mean the calls are slightly chaotic, but I think it’s worth a try to see if they work, because of the positive connections that could come from this.

I would keep these free to start with, to gauge interest.

Let me know if you are interested either via the poll below or in the comments and I’ll get organising!

What I’ve enjoyed watching lately:

• The Beckham documentary on Netflix - I know everyone has probably watched this by now, but I really enjoyed the mix of 90’s nostalgia and the behind the scenes of their lives.

• Series 5 of Love is Blind - I really like this show, but this series is a bit of a strange one. A lot of it is focused on lies, people not saying who they really are, and I only feel like one of the couples is genuine. A strange series - have you watched it?

• Series 4 of Sex Education - this series was slated by a lot of fans but I enjoyed it - especially how real Jean’s depiction of struggling as a mum is, while she copes with a teenager and a newborn, whilst trying to get back into her career. And the funeral scene for Maeve’s mum, and the speech she did, that was so well done, and so real I thought.

What I’ve read lately:

I’ve struggled with concentrating to read lately, so that’s why I’ve been watching so much. I go through phases where I read loads, then stop for a while.

• One book I did buy was the new recipe book from Sarah Rossi from Taming Twins called What’s for Dinner in One Pot? I made the nacho loaded fries for us all yesterday and the Beef Satay is in the oven as I’m writing this. So many good recipes, would highly recommend.

Substack posts I’ve loved lately:

There’s been SO many good posts that I’ve enjoyed here lately, and so many new connections I’ve made with like-minded mums too, I’m so grateful for it all.

• This post by

  Kat River
  is an open letter to mother creatives and it is nothing short of epic. It’s a post that I will come back to time and time again and it really resonates deeply with the life I’m trying to create right now:

An Open Letter to Mother Creatives

• Lauren Barber
  has this lovely Yoga Nidra recording which I’m looking forward to listening to during one nap-time this week.

• Postpartum Matters CIC
  is hosting a Community Connection Circle on Fri 27th Sept at 6:30pm, which sounds fab. I will be there, bedtime chaos permitting!

• This reflection from

  Amy Bornman
  on being an artist and finding time to work while you are caring for your children. The whole post is such a great piece on motherhood and juggling our own wants and needs around our kids. I loved this quote:

“…my changing all my ways of doing things and pressing on anyway, my falling in love with motherhood and not wanting to ignore my children to make my art. My nap-length studio time, my fragmented focus, bracing for interruption. My sorrow! It is part of it! As is my joy.”

• This post from

  Charlene Storey
  on Autumn rituals for cosy days is like a warm hug - love the reminder to embrace the season, slow down and notice the little things.

• A Deeper Love with Tara Franca
  - this post about how she turned the distractions she had from her family when she was trying to write, to became the focus of her writing. I loved this quote:

“A remembering that writing isn’t always about escaping from the now, or channelling something else from the ether. Sometimes it’s actually the glue that keeps you connected to the now, so you can channel a new part of yourself that lives here and only here.”

I’d love to know in the comments:

• Your reflections on feeling truly seen and heard as a mum

• What have you been watching or reading lately?

• What Substack posts have you loved this week?

Thank you so much for reading, I’m so glad to have you here as part of my lovely community!