A decade of reclaiming motherhood and changing the narrative of my life
A post for the International Women's Day Siren Songs collaboration.
If you are new here, welcome! I’m so happy to have you here as part of this lovely, supportive community of mums. I’m Jenna, a mum of 3, a Coach for Mums and I live by the sea in South Wales.
Here on The Motherhood Connection, I love writing about:
ways to ease your overwhelm and cultivate self-compassion as a mum
tips on how to take imperfect action and live a life that feels good to you
the small moments of family life that bring me joy
honest reflections on motherhood
Every fortnight, I also publish a Motherhood and Creativity interview, where I share the words of creative mums who inspire me here on Substack and beyond. They share their words of joy, strength, creativity and community in motherhood and there’s so much wisdom in every interview.
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Siren Song
For this week’s post, I’m joining in on the Siren Song collaborative posts for International Women’s Day today, as inspired by this post from
:
Thank you to
for creating the Siren Song post which I used to give me inspiration for this post. Also tagging fellow Siren Song contributors , Georgia, Lauren Barber, Lyndsay Kaldor, Laurita Gorman | Therapist SEP & Emma Simpson.
“We have a mission to change these ripples of distortion into ripples of love and healing. Of experience and wisdom. Ripples of devotion and connection.”
By telling my own story of turning ripples of distortion into ripples of love and healing, and changing the narrative of my life, I’m sending my words and story across the world and keeping the ripples of inspiration going.
When ripples of distortion turn into ripples of love and healing
This last week, I’ve been making the most of the sunny Spring mornings and walking along the seafront in our town, with my youngest, after dropping my two eldest kids off at school.
The tide has been really high, almost touching the walkway of the pier on some days, and the sea has been so calm.
When you look closely you can see the brown muddy colour of the sea, but when the morning sun is glittering and dancing on it, you don’t see that, it becomes something else entirely, something magical.
Seeing the sunlight dancing on the sea reminds me of the ripples of love and healing when our authentic voice and inner wisdom shows up for us. The moments where you feel so low, so exhausted and overwhelmed and you don’t know what to do.
Then, somehow our inner wisdom is brought to the surface in these really tough moments like when the sunlight hits the sea, whilst the rest of the time our mind might feel more like the muddy brown sea.
This ripple of your inner wisdom encourages you to listen to your gut, to go against the decision you think you should make and to do things your way.
And sometimes, if you have enough of these ripples of love and healing, they can turn into a big crashing wave that changes everything.
That’s what’s happened to me.
The ripples of love and healing that turned into a big crashing wave
Spring 2014 - The first ripple
I was working in my ‘dream job’, the job that I’d worked my way towards for years, in the right place and the right location for me. But I’d never been more stressed and anxious and I’d only been in the job for 6 months. My contract was due to end but they offered me an extension of a few months to stay.
It was just a small ripple at first:
“you could just say no and not take the job extension. You could just do what feels right for you…”
This was a ripple so small that it could barely be found in the swirling, choppy seas of my negative thoughts that consumed me.
Even though that made no sense financially or career-wise to leave, but it did make sense for my mental health and my physical health.
You see, I was in the early stages of pregnancy with my daughter at the time and my gut was telling me that the stress I felt was not good for the baby.
I wonder now if my daughter’s energy from inside the womb gave me some courage - it’d be no surprise knowing the feisty strong willed girl that she is now at 10 years old!
I followed that ripple, left the job (even though I had no other job to go to) and it was the first time I’d followed my inner wisdom instead of doing what I thought I should do.
Winter 2017 - The second ripple
Fast forward to 3 years later, my daughter was 3 and my son was 6 months old. I wasn’t coping with motherhood well, at all and my mental health was the lowest it had ever been.
I knew that I couldn’t carry on feeling that way and I also knew that what I felt was too big for me to sort out on my own.
Another quiet ripple came through, that gradually got louder and louder. It said:
“you need to speak to someone about how you are feeling, you need to get some help, you can’t carry on feeling this way, it’s not fair on you or the kids.”
This ripple carried me to seeking professional help where I shared the negative thoughts that had been circling around in my head since I became a mum.
How I felt guilt and shame for not enjoying motherhood more.
How I thought that everyone else was coping better than me.
How the fact that I was struggling with motherhood must’ve meant I was doing something wrong.
This second ripple led to me having a year of therapy, which culminated in a huge crashing wave that reclaimed motherhood for me and completely transformed how I saw myself.
This feeling of that huge crashing wave reminded me of the fierce and urgent energy of the sea from an absolutely freezing morning walk a few weeks ago - the rough and choppy sea couldn’t be ignored when it was like this. You had to take notice of it.
Changing the narrative of my life
When I was writing this post, this prompt also stood out for me from
’s Siren Song post:Which distortion have you freed yourself from and changed the narrative of your life?
Through the ripples of love and healing that led to me reclaiming what motherhood means to me, I’ve also freed myself from these distortions:
the idea that I need to be a ‘perfect mum’
following the ideals that society has set out of what a ‘good mother’ should look like
black and white thinking - I now know that there is nuance and grey areas to every situation, which is helpful when giving myself self-compassion
the idea that productivity defines my self-worth
feeling self-blame and shame if I lose my patience with my kids - I can instead step back from the situation, see that it’s directly linked to my overwhelm that day, give myself compassion and apologise to my kids
putting unrealistic expectations on myself of what I can achieve in a day
negative self-talk and judging myself harshly
Leaving all of these critical thoughts behind meant that I could create space to change the narrative of my life by reclaiming motherhood and making it my own.
I realised that the true, authentic me was there all along, I was just hiding underneath all of the societal ideals that I’d unknowingly soaked up.
Reclaiming motherhood
I finished therapy at the end of 2018, I knew that I couldn’t go back to how I felt before, so I made a commitment to myself to fit self-care in around motherhood. (I’ve since created this which is inspired by my own self-care journey.)
I made time to do the things I loved, I set up self-care meet ups for mums in my local community and I retrained as a Coach so that I could support mums who felt like I did.
Since 2018, the ripples of love and healing continued every time I chose to prioritise:
a kind, compassionate inner voice
my creative side (through writing, reading, crochet and journalling)
my need for rest (and not feeling guilty or lazy for this)
my inner wisdom (and taking the time out to connect with this though meditation and journalling)
my dreams and giving myself permission to follow them (because when I do, I feel more fulfilled which makes me a happier mum)
being more confident and finding my voice (on Substack and through my podcast)
my purpose - of supporting mums who felt like I did when I was going through my biggest struggles as a totally overwhelmed mum with young kids
Prioritising all of these things has meant that I can show up as the mum I want to be, because I’ve met my own wants and needs and feel like I have a separate identity outside of being a mum.
I now support mums to reclaim motherhood and prioritise themselves too so they can swap their overwhelm and anger for calm and compassion.
Motherhood, the third time around
When I had my third child in 2022, I had a chance to do motherhood the way that I really wanted to, using everything I’d learnt from getting through all of my struggles.
I also wanted to give myself a chance to actually enjoy motherhood too, as I knew that my third child would be my last.
This meant completely shifting my priorities as well as bringing self-care and self-compassion into my daily life.
In all honesty, I’ve found that mothering my way has healed the wounds of those really really tough early years with my eldest two kids.
I can now look back with compassion for the version of me who was struggling so much, but she kept going.
She kept showing up and was doing an incredible job, despite it all.
She was changing the narrative of her life, step by step without even knowing it.
Has this post resonated with you?
I’d love to know if this post resonated with you, let me know if the comments:
Have you felt those small ripples in your life that have turned into a big crashing wave and caused big changes in your life too?
How have you changed the narrative of your life by freeing yourself from distortions?
Sending a ripple to pick up the thread
As per the guidelines for this post, I’m sending my voice like a ripple to writers that I love reading here on Substack, to pick up the thread - so I’m sending mine to
from , from , from & from .
Work with me in March
If you’d like to start 2025 by setting feel-good goals, taking small (totally do-able) steps, that create long-lasting change then just think of me as your personal cheerleader who is going to support you in making those changes!
I’ll boost your confidence by reminding you of your strengths, of all the times when you’ve done hard things before and how amazing you already are - let’s get started and make incredible things happen for you!!
I’ve got space for 2 mums to work with me in my Rediscover YOU 12 week one to one coaching experience, and also space for 2 mums to work with me to create their very own 12 week Bespoke Self Care Plan - you can find all the details for both of these here or book a 30 min chat with me to find out more:
You might also like some of my most recent posts/podcast episodes:
PODCAST: Ease into 2025 gently: Reflect and Dream - This podcast episode is going to help you to start to make slow and gentle changes in your life in 2025.
Permission to do motherhood your way - when the advice doesn’t work, this is what to do instead
PODCAST: Redefining failure and creativity for mums - after a over a year, I’m back with a new podcast episode!
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Quite something to think that 2 courageous decisions have shaped who you are today. A reminder that in those tough times, greater days are ahead. PS What a beautiful walk to take on your way home ❤️
A beautifully inspiring post to read your personal journey over those years, Jenna. Such strength to find your way. Thank you so much for sharing.